The highlighting and underlining have been added by your professor to point
out some items that overlap with our discussions on Nonverbal Communication,
Culture-specific Communication norms, and being “Other-Oriented” .
Eden Collinsworth's
latest book is “I Stand Corrected: How
Teaching Western Manners in China Became Its Own Unforgettable Lesson.”
It’s a heck of a story: how Eden
Collinsworth, an American publishing executive, became the Dale Carnegie of
China. It begins with her, after nearly three decades of traveling to the
country, moving to Beijing in 2011 with the idea of writing a guide to Western
etiquette for Chinese businessmen. And it ends, to her great surprise, with her
book, “The Tao of Improving Your Likability: A Personal Guide to Effective
Business Etiquette in Today’s Global World,” becoming a best-seller. The
between — her year of researching Chinese culture, from centuries old
hutongs to a billionaire’s opulent resort — is the stuff of her latest book,
“I Stand Corrected: How Teaching Western
Manners in China Became Its Own Unforgettable Lesson.” And it is, at turns,
entertaining, informative and insightful.
Recently Ms. Collinsworth talked
about her time in China and what she learned of its culture. Following are
edited excerpts.
Q.
Where do you see a stark difference
between the Western and the Chinese ways of doing business?
A.
With something as fundamental as a handshake, there can be a misimpression of
rudeness or disrespect, if the person on the receiving end doesn’t look you in
the eye or offers you what we consider a limp hand. But if you consider
China’s history and the notion of deference — which is really at the core of
everything Chinese, so to speak — you realize that, in fact, it’s quite the
opposite: that a firm handshake is an indication of presumption, possibly
arrogance, and a weak one certainly isn’t disrespectful. So you offer your hand,
absolutely, just don’t expect a particularly firm shake and don’t misconstrue it
as something else.
Anything to keep in mind about
greetings?
Many times people in China have
business cards or social cards, if they are not necessarily in business. First
thing you should be aware of is the deference that you should attach to a
business card. You accept it with both hands, you make a point of looking at it;
that’s a sign of respect. The most staggering example of poor deportment from a
Chinese perspective: I was in a series of negotiations, and we were coming to a
positive conclusion, and my colleague, a Westerner, not really thinking,
began to clean his fingernail with the business card. And that was that. The
deal disappeared.
Any tips for mealtime?
You must try everything, even if
something looks aggressively weird. To refuse anything is a loss of face to
the host. What happens inevitably is that you’re seated at a round table —
there are few rectangular tables in China because in the middle of the table, no
matter how posh the circumstances, is what we call a Lazy Susan — and as the
food arrives, the host moves it in a clockwise motion toward you, and he
will serve himself last. All at the table know to save for the guest the last
bites of the most coveted food. If you were a little boy bent on torturing your
little sister, you could not come up with some of these possibilities — not in
your wildest imagination. My favorite example was a penis of a deer in leek
bulbs. Best thing to do is not to ask what you’re eating.
Also, if you do not drink or have
a low resistance, as I do — I mean, I’m a very cheap date — you must indicate
that immediately, even stretch the truth and say you have a medical condition,
otherwise you’re in for the long haul. They are promiscuous toasters.
Does any part of Beijing remind
you of the city you saw three decades ago?
Dongzhimen is interesting because
it once was Beijing’s northeastern gate that led to the countryside, and now
it’s within the second ring of six roads; that’s how much the city has grown.
There you can find
hutongs, these dwindling labyrinths of narrow streets, formed by rows of
what used to be courtyard residences dating back to the 13th century. Along them
are these carts serving whatever is fresh to the locals, with these tiny little
tables and even smaller little stools. You’re crouching, literally slurping next
to the person next to you, and it’s wonderful.
A version of this article appears in print on October 5, 2014, on page TR3 of
the New York edition with the headline: Chinese for Faux Pas? Ask Eden
Collinsworth