"Honor"

Look, jerk, you "protested" nothing. You like and die to get attention for being a "hero" in a situation which affords only shame. And you'll try any deceit to get it (what is "honor" got by dishonorable means?), including the transparent bullshit that you acted "selflessly"--er, "without ego"--despite the fact you _deserve_ ego-stroking.

Get an education in morality and ethics. Perhaps then you'll find some self-forgiveness, and some ground from which to grow up and get on with life instead of bashing the world because it won't follow your whining dictate and kiss your hypocritical ass.