trying to understand

My husband is 52 and was in Vietnam in 68/69. We have been married for 25 years now. You probably know it has been a difficult marriage. I recently concidered seriously leaving. But I started to think maybe I just don't understand where he has been. His brother was also in Vietnam and they both have a very hard crust to get through. I wonder now if that is from Vietnam. Maybe they hold onto the past before they went to the War because that was when they were innocent. That was when they did'nt know what it was like to see someone die, or lose their limbs. Maybe, if I understand it more I can help him. I love him so much!!!