War, I fail to understand

I have never experienced war. Not personally. On the screens of television sets and monitors, on posters and paintings I have seen and sometimes felt blood, the heat of battle, exitement, adrenaline.

I am attracted by these things, as I think most people are. They intrigue me. And this is frightening. It enables me to imagine killing another.

In my country, Finland, only 8% of the young men decide NOT to go to the military service, and choose civil service instead. The rest are trained to kill and obey. Still, Finland is a western democracy, not a dictatorship.

I love my country. I am grateful for our independence from the Soviet Union, nowadays Russia, which was won by enormous bloodshed: Finland never became a communist satellite like, say, Checkoslovakia, Hungary or Bulgaria.

I feel the wish for war, the beauty of killing. But I will not follow this call. I will, about ten months from now, be sentenced to 6 months and seventeen days of prison for refusing to do either military or civil service. My refusal is a protest against a society which forces its young men to lear killing. I can only wish that others, on the other sides of borders, far and near, would do similar things, protest against the military training in their own country.

I'm 20 years old, study journalism, and I wouldn't mind having intelligent discussions on this matter. If you absolutely HAVE to send hatemail, then do, but I won't read it. If you want a message to get through to me, please keep the tone reasonable. I'll answer as long as my studies don't get in the way, something they tend to do...